(Post 600!) What's Happening Where I Am: Cinema and DVD releases here, 30/06/11

Cinema Releases

Transformers: Dark of the Moon - When I was 11 years old, I was forced to go and see Transformers against my will because my Dad wanted to get rid of me and it was on at an appropriate time. I really enjoyed that movie. I then had a huge crush on Shia Labeouf. Boy, how times have changed. No, I do not hate the first movie, but I really disliked the second one. It was just noise. Also, I don't really like Shia any more. He comes off as a bit of an...asshole. And after reading about why Megan Fox was fired, I actually started to side with Megan (sure, she was a bit of a diva, but I have my reasons...) This movie would have been appealing in 2007, but I don't want to spend my money of noise.

DVD Releases

Fair Game - Is it wrong that I think Sean Penn is quite a good looking man? Because he actually is, even when he looks as dull as he does in this movie. He and Naomi Watts are a very good couple. They share lots of chemistry in this one, even though I couldn't really picture them as a couple beforehand. I won't say much more until I give the film a proper review soon-ish, other than I quite liked the film.

Gnomeo and Juliet - Seriously, garden gnomes are not supposed to be re-enacting a famous Shakespeare play. In fact, Romeo and Juliet should not be made for kids. It should not be given a happy ending. It should not have a title like that. And it should not just leave Mercutio out of it all. Now we know all of the things that Gnomeo and Juliet shouldn't have done, let's see one thing it should have done: be more inspired.

How Do You Know - I remember the trailer for this being on most of the movies I watched over the summer. But it never actually showed in any of our cinemas. No, a good cast including Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson went straight to DVD. With good reason, too. How this bland rom-com cost $120 million to make is probably the ninth wonder of the world.

Tamara Drewe - Originally, we weren't getting this at the shop until I kindly reminded them that this actually came out in cinemas, unlike How Do You Know, which they ordered 18 copies of (yeah, they're gonna regret that). This was a pretty sweet movie, even though it seemed like it would have been better as a made-for-TV movie. But can I just say that Gemma Arterton is my new idol? Because she looks so real. She's not actually that thin compared to some other actresses, and she's just naturally beautiful. I was reading some stuff about her this week and she seems like a pretty cool person, who doesn't care much for what anyone else thinks (in a good way). I think she's lovely.

The Last Exorcism - What is with these documentary style horrors these days? This movie would have been far better had it not been a doco style. Mind you, it was pretty scary at the end. More scary than both of the Paranormal Activity movies combined. And that Ashley Bell was pretty good. Especially seeing as she did all of the body contortions herself...freaky.

Yes, that was my 600th post since the blog was created in October 2009. Most of you have noticed I have now got 100 followers too. I'm doing well this week! I'm going to be waitressing tomorrow night at a function so I'll be away from the blogging, so while I'm gone, tell me what you think about these films!

Nicolas Un-Caged: Season of the Witch (2011)

Welcome to another edition of the sporadic new feature, 'Nicolas Un-Caged', where I, Stevee Taylor, a person who is very cool towards actor Nicolas Cage, tackle some Nicolas Cage movies. At the end of the review, I give Nicolas Cage a rating between 1 and 5 Nicolas Cage's, based on how crazy Nicolas Cage is in a Nicolas Cage movie. Did I use the name Nicolas Cage enough in that passage? Nicolas Cage.

All I remember about Season of the Witch was that it was once rated 1% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, to me, you can't get much worse than being rated 1%. Because it means that, like, one person liked your movie. One lonely critic liked your movie. Which is more sad than nobody liking your movie, for some reason. So with it's star-power being reduced to Nicolas Cage and a slew of awful reviews, this movie was released in America, only scoring back around 60% of it's budget during it's release there. June comes around, and this movie pops up on DVD. I thought "no one has heard of it, so it won't be that popular." Boy, was I wrong. At work this past weekend, there were only two movies which people were demanding: True Grit (well done, Dannevirke) and Season of the Witch. Response coming back from the two was positive too. I can see why True Grit is so well-liked, because at least that is actually entertaining, but Season of the Witch? I just didn't see it.

I'm sure the popularity that this movie got this weekend didn't come down to Nicolas Cage being the top star, but because it is marketed as a medieval actioner. But really, this is a medieval borefest. This film is set in the times when the Black Plague was ravaging the land, and when witches were believed to be the cause of all of this. Old Nic, who plays Behmen here, embarks on a bit of a road trip with his buddy Felson (Ron Perlman) as they take a girl accused of being a witch (Claire Foy) from A to B. We go on a arduous journey across perilous terrain with them and we discover the truth about this supposed witch, along with finding the true courage which these fine men have.

It all sounds very majestic, but really, this is one cheap movie. The scenery is nice enough, even though it seems as if the camera made it look 100 times more dull. That doesn't do wonders for the story either. Believe me, I tried to stay with this movie. But you know how hard it is to stay with a movie that moves at the pace of a snail, takes itself far too seriously and doesn't even have the decency to give us a laugh or two to tide us over. I will admit, this movie isn't nearly as bad as it's 7% rating on Rotten Tomatoes makes it out to be. But yes, it is bad. The action sequences, which are few and far between, are less than exciting. I mean, when you first meet Behmen and Felson in a montage of their fictional fights, you do think that this might be a fun journey, because they look they might be a couple of jokesters. Between Nic wearing his serious face and Ron Perlman occasionally trying to lighten things up, the two never really gel, so we miss a couple of funny buddies that this movie needed.

The worst thing about Season of the Witch, though, is the fact that Nic isn't even remotely crazy in this movie. He never says anything that makes us question his sanity. He doesn't even make any weird screaming noises. Which is a great shame, because when you have a bad movie, something always makes you laugh. When you have Nicolas Cage in a bad movie, you expect to be rolling on the floor with laughter. But no, Season of the Witch is surprisingly tame. Which makes me wonder why Nic actually starred in this nonsense. Even though he may have turned into the worst actor in the world, he is above this B-grade horror schlock. He should know by now that we all enjoy him being slightly off his knocker, not sleep-walking through a movie with his one and only serious face on the whole time. One more movie like this, Nic, and you've lost your entire fanbase. I guess his hair did look impressive, though.

THE VERDICT: It's the kind of movie that should have gone straight-to-DVD everywhere, or better yet, been kept on the shelf. Season of the Witch is definitely not the most exciting movie, and Nic Cage isn't anything to laugh about, either.

What I got:

Nic Cage Crazy Scale:

Rewind - Fish Tank *spoilers*

As a teenager, we all have dreams and aspirations that are usually cut down by the atmosphere surrounding us. Mia (Katie Jarvis) dreams of being a dancer. But there are a few things that make her road to dancing fame a little more rocky than others. First of all, her outlook on life is less than positive. She doesn't go to school, so she spends her time wandering around aimlessly causing trouble wherever she can find an opportunity to. When she gets to her home in a council estate, she is greeted by her equally potty-mouthed younger sister Tyler (Rebecca Griffiths) and her abrupt single mother Joanne (Kierston Wareing). Mia doesn't live in a happy world, but everything seems to change with the arrival of Joanne's new boyfriend Connor (Michael Fassbender). Connor brings a change to the household and is more like a father to Mia and Tyler than Joanne is a mother to them.

I guess this makes Connor sound like a top bloke. For the most part, he does look like a top bloke. He takes his new family out for a trip and shows Mia how to catch fish and introduces her to his favourite song. While Joanne isn't interested in having the kids interfere with her relationship with Connor, Connor is more interested in the welfare of everyone in the family. He's exactly the sort of guy Mia needs in her life. Someone who will listen to her and support her dreams of becoming a dancer, even giving her a video camera to record her talent. But Connor, though he seems really nice, is actually the most evil person ever. Okay, so maybe I hate him all the more because I'm a similar age to Mia and I would be so angry if someone was an asshole like that to me, but really, he was a horrible person. First of all, you don't just have sex with your girlfriends daughter. Second of all, that sex scene was one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. The things he said during the whole thing were just downright creepy. And third of all, once I actually found out what kind of man this Connor guy really is...well, let's just say, I threw things.

So that must set this movie up to be a pretty angry one, huh? Yes, it's angry. When you have a protagonist like Mia, who seems to be very angry with the world (with good reason), it doesn't make for the most happy experience. But at least it's realistic. It doesn't try to sugarcoat anything in fear of being politically incorrect, nor does it try to make anything any happier than it really is. It just captures a teenage girl with her fair share of insecurities, even though she appears confident on the outside, coming of age. Except this teenage girl doesn't get her dream guy or have her dreams come true. She gets a crappy mother who would rather drink than actually do her duty, a man who pretends to be a family man but really wrecks her life, and a dance audition which isn't actually her sort of thing. The ending, though, is actually quite nice. Mia may not get her dream, but she had an exit strategy, which was uplifting, in a way.

Anyway, I've talked enough about the actual story in this, which is very well-written and well-conceived. Writer-director Andrea Arnold does a good job with just her second feature film, also not trying to sugarcoat the movie through it's photography. The performances are all superb too. For one thing, I can not believe that this is Katie Jarvis' first acting job. She is superb. In fact, she's beyond superb. Especially in the scene where she finally breaks down and you see black mascara-infused tears running down her face. In that scene, she tells the story of many of us teenagers: our happiness dashed and our sadness wearing its way through the cover we put ourselves under every day. I really do hope that she takes more acting jobs in the future. As for Michael Fassbender...well. He can make you love him, and then completely turn the tables so you hate him. He's charming, but in that risky sort of way. From that moment I saw him walk in shirtless to make a cuppa I had a feeling there was this evil edge to him. Which I liked, at that moment, but at the end, I hated his character. The rest of the cast is really good, considering how ill-experienced they all are, but Jarvis and Fassbender stand out the most.

Fish Tank is exactly the type of arthouse realism flick that you could expect. It doesn't demand much, but it does achieve a lot. And, for once, a teenage girl as the lead role isn't an annoying know-it-all nor a lovelorn depressive. Which is refreshing, even though the movie itself is suffocating.

THE VERDICT: Andrea Arnold has created a perfectly realistic film about a teenager 'coming-of-age', without the usual constraints of the genre. First-timer Katie Jarvis and rising star Michael Fassbender turn in brilliant performances.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

The Link Exorcism

Don't worry, I am not exorcising links (as that is not possible). I'm just having another interesting movie night. In fact, this week there are 5 main releases coming out, and I've decided to watch them all. Last night, I checked out the uneven How Do You Know and the also uneven Fair Game. Tonight I am checking out Gnomeo and Juliet, The Last Exorcism and Tamara Drewe. The latter was actually the only one I wanted to see. Oh, and seeing as it is a Tuesday, I am still having some more pain. I returned to school yesterday and only just survived the whole day. Today I only survived two periods...and I've been sleeping since I got home. Seriously, getting your tonsils out is not recommended.

Anyway, while I watch Shakespearian gnomes, exorcisms and British bed-hopping, please take the time to view these stellar posts from the week gone by...

Okay, well, first of all, our 2nd place Stage Challenge performance was uploaded to YouTube today. If you have a spare 10 minutes, check it out. There's a bit of a problem with the audio at the end...not sure what it is, but it's pretty good to watch. Oh yeah, if you were wondering which one is me, I'm one of the students in the history class, the one who is leaning on the desk closest to the teacher.

Film Intel just reviewed Black Swan, which is quickly turning into my current film obsession. Seriously, had my friend not stolen my copy off me last week, I would have watched this at least 10 times by now.

There's an interesting post on how you can understand movies being 'overrated' at Hollywood Dreamland. I personally hate the term, but I've seen plenty of overrated movies in my time.

Hatter at The Dark of the Matinee has been enduring some painful movies as part of his 'King of Pain' marathon, including this gem from my youth: What a Girl Wants.

The LAMMYs may be over, by the awesome LAMBcasters just released their LAMMY-nominated podcasts homage show. Absolutely hilarious!

Larry at themoviesnob dug out this little gem of an advertisement, which tells it like it is with The Tree of Life. You don't like it, you ain't getting a refund. I have a feeling we'll have to do this at work whenever it comes out here...

Speaking of The Tree of Life, Lesya at Eternity of Dream did one amazing review on that movie. Which makes me even more excited to see it at the NZFF, because there have been so many confused reactions over it.

Univarn at A Life in Equinox takes a look at how being distracted by technological instruments ruins a movie. Yes it does, but I can't help playing on my iPod touch. And I've been a multi-tasker forever.

Resident funny-person Simon tells us about the misrepresentation of twins in popular culture. Further reason why Four of Them won the funniest LAMMY.

What's the worst film you've ever seen? Mine is definitely The Hottie and the Nottie, starring the talented Paris Hilton (haha). Andy at Andy Buckle's Film Emporium wants to know your opinion, but he thinks Batman and Robin is pretty awful.

Happythankyoumoreplease was a film I watched at 1am on a Sunday morning, and one that I generally liked. It seems it has a fan over at Anomalous Material, too.

It was Paul Thomas Anderson's birthday yesterday, and Southern Vision celebrated by unleashing his five best characters. I bet you can guess who one of them is.

Have a great week, and stay excellent!

A Conversation with There Will Be Blood

Where's Christopher this week? Well, he isn't that far away from where he was last week talking to No Country for Old Men. This week, our dear Christopher has taken to talking to There Will Be Blood.

(Newbies: this 'conversation' is completely made up through my bad characterisation of a movie. Christopher isn't based on anyone living or dead either, I know plenty of Christopher's but this Christopher is named after what I want to name my cat. My Mum won't let me have another cat, so I'll just name my fake interviewer Christopher to tide me over until I leave home.)

CHRISTOPHER: I've been holidaying in Texas of late, and what do you know? I just happened to come across There Will Be Blood. How are you?
THERE WILL BE BLOOD: You were talking to No Country for Old Men last week, weren't you?

C: Yes.
TWBB: TRRRRAAAAAAAAAAITOR!

C: I'm sorry?
TWBB: I bet you he told you that Anton Chigurh killed me in order to get the Best Picture Oscar, yes?

C: I think I can recall him saying...
TWBB: WELL HE WAS LYING! Anton tried to kill me. He came into my bowling room, so I offered him a steak. He declined that offer. I tried to interest him in my story of how I got to have a character that got very rich from being an oil prospector, even though he was a bit of a cold one. He was not interested. Instead, he pulled out a coin and said "What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?" So I replied "You're making a huge misstep." Now I had heard through an aquaintance of some man I've seen that this Anton fellow uses a cattle gun as a weapon. Which is when I realised that he had come to kill me. What else was he going to use that cattle gun for? The closest thing to a cow was the steak I was eating. Anyway, I digress. Anton got exasperated, so I quickly grabbed a bowling pin, knocked the gun out of his hand and then proceeded to smash his head to pieces. I succeeded in that. I killed Anton Chigurh.

C: So, how did you lose Best Picture?
TWBB: To this day I simply don't know. The Oscar is simply a false prophet. I did find out that Anton had killed the other competitors before he came to me...they were small in comparison to my epic stature. I killed Anton, but No Country for Old Men came out scot-free. Soon after they figured out that Anton was missing, they quickly hired a lookalike to tide them over awards season. It turns out that lookalike was better than the original Anton, and he also won his own Oscar. Those Oscars are just lucky I didn't take a barrel of oil and a lighter to their little ceremony.

C: You can't be too bitter though. Many people have named you as the 'film of the decade'.
TWBB: That's because I am. I am a masterpiece. I am a monumental piece of modern cinema. I'm gonna bury every movie underground.

C: Wow, modesty isn't one of your strong points.
TWBB: Neither is a little bit of femininity. Not all of us can be perfect. Even though we look perfect.

C: You "look perfect"?
TWBB: Have you not seen me? I am filled with marvellous performances, especially the central one from the best actor ever Daniel Day-Lewis, along with an interesting turn from Paul Dano. The cinematography is nothing short of beautiful. The music...well that is frightening. Especially when the first thing you hear is something that sounds like the world's entire bee population buzzing together. And the direction from Paul Thomas Anderson? Sublime. I am a technically brilliant film.

C: What about your story/script?
TWBB: That isn't so bad. My central character, Daniel Plainview, was once a miner who turned into an oil prospector. He gets an offer he can't refuse...a land with a lot of oil for real cheap. He brings change to a small county, but he also manipulates landowners into selling their properties to him so he can get more oil. But with wealth and popularity comes hatred on everyone and even more ambition to rise above his competitors.

C: It sounds like you are a very layered portrait of a time gone by.
TWBB: That would be a perfect way of summing me up.

C: I would like you to explain one thing to me: the final scene.
TWBB: Ah, my final scene. That seems to be the only thing which people associate with me. Well, I do admit that it is very over the top. But to be honest, isn't it nice to see an actor like Daniel Day-Lewis just go all out? This scene shows just how easily Plainview gets ticked off, and how driven he is to seek revenge and feel like the bigger man. There is such a unique madness in Plainview, and that is absolutely on show on this scene. Oh, and if you are one of those people who tilted your head sideways at the merit of the line "I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!", remember that an actual person said that. I must say, I feel a little bit giddy when people use that line in times of anger.

C: I think the end scene makes you even more unique.
TWBB: I am glad that you think so. Unique is what I aim for.

C: I feel that you will have a long and successful life, and will definitely be regarded as a 'classic' in the years to come.
TWBB: I believe I will too. After all, not many films can reach my fearlessness, brilliance or originality. After all, I have competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.

C: Any last words for our readers out there?
TWBB: You're a bastard from a basket! A bastard from a basket!

C: Well that was...rude.
TWBB: Like I said, I hate most people.

C: You're finished?
TWBB: I'm finished.

My rating for this film:

DVD - Welcome to the Rileys

People have been unfair to Kristen Stewart. Yes, she is diabolically bad in Twilight (and she gets worse with every movie), with the ever-present hair pulling and eye twitching that drive me to distraction. But, to be honest, everyone in those movies is on auto-pilot, because 1) the screenplay's are so bad it makes it impossible for any actor to try and work their way out of the muck, and 2) the main fanbase simply don't care what the acting is like, as long as Taylor Lautner has his shirt off and Robert Pattinson is being the most 'romantic' vampire ever. Kristen Stewart in everything but these vampire...uh...things? Brilliant. If I was impressed with her performance as rocker Joan Jett in The Runaways, her performance as runaway 16 year old prostitute in Welcome to the Rileys completely blew that out of the water.

To say that Kristen is the best thing about this movie is a huge stake to claim. She is supported by two strong performances from James Gandolfini and recent Oscar winner Melissa Leo, who is particularly good. Kristen, however, is fearless in this movie, but at the same time, she is playing a tough girl on the exterior who is probably more out of her depth than anyone else, and even though she think she can, she really can't cope with it. However, she isn't the only one out of their depth. James Gandolfini and Melissa Leo play a couple who have been married for just about 30 years, but they don't appear to be the happy, homely couple that people would like to think they are. This is mostly due to the fact that thier daughter died in a car accident at the age of 15, and since then Lois (Leo) has refused to leave the house and naturally, Doug (Gandolfini) feels a lot of guilt towards what had happened. Enter Allison (Stewart), who is known as 'Mallory' when she's at work, who meets Doug at the club which she works at. She lost her mother and has since been living in a crappy house trying to pay her way by selling herself. Doug offers to help her become a better person, as she appears to be far beyond her years, but needs reeling in before she loses herself completely. In Allison, Doug sees the chance to have a substitute for his daughter, and feels like he is of use trying to help her, even though Allison isn't interested in being anyone's "little girl".

Doug, Lois and Allison aren't related, but their story makes for a very interesting family drama. The base of this movie is guilt: the guilt that Doug and Lois feel for their loss and the guilt that Allison doesn't know that she has building up inside of her until Doug comes along. Allison was very happy living a life so messed up that it's hard to imagine her as being someone my age. You can't say that Welcome to the Rileys treads unfamiliar ground, as one person trying to help another wayward person is hardly original. But the relationship between Doug and Allison, is one that quickly forms to be something similar to a simple father-daughter relationship, even if it really all comes down to guilt. What is more beautiful, though, is the relationship that forms between Lois and Allison. Lois is probably the most guilt-ridden out of the two, since she believes that her daughter's death was absolutely all her fault. At first, she doesn't buy into Doug forming a bond with Allison, but instead of bursting in demanding change like he did, Lois very gradually warms to Allison. Where Doug saw Allison more as a project, Lois saw Allison as a daughter. In all honesty, it was the conflicting interests between the two which I really connected with, and probably why I loved this film so much (though, my weakness for an indie drama probably contributes greatly).

I imagine that many people would find this meddling material, as it does tend to take it's time and it has a few unintentional awkward silences. Other than that, this is actually a little gem of a film. It's obviously made with love, and it's just a very genuine film. The performances are, of course, the highlight, because if they weren't so good, this film would have had trouble getting off the ground like it did. James Gandolfini is a great father figure, taking no nonsense from anyone else, but being very lenient towards himself. He has a commanding, yet quite cheeky, showcase, which is nothing short of heartfelt and human. Melissa Leo was particularly impressive. She was so shaky, insecure and confused that it was painful to watch her sometimes, but you could really see the points she was trying to make. She was the beautiful mother figure to Gandolfini's father figure, yet she was just so shaken by even the slightest knock against her. But, as I said at the beginning of the review, Kristen Stewart is the stand-out performer in this. She just had a presence of someone who appeared beyond her years, but she was still very much a child underneath it all. If you want proof that Kristen Stewart can indeed act, very well, look no further than Welcome to the Rileys.

THE VERDICT: The heartfelt and electrifying performances from Gandolfini, Leo and Stewart elevate Welcome to the Rileys from the meddling material it could have been, and make it an family drama that's not to be missed.

What I hoped for:

What I got:

Nicolas Un-Caged: Vampire's Kiss (1988)

If you've been around this blog for a long time, then you would probably know that I enjoy making fun of old Nicolas Cage now and again. But I've been unfair. I haven't seen that many of his movies. So, from now until the end of this blogs life, every Nicolas Cage movie I watch (and I will try to watch as many of them as possible), will get the title 'Nicolas Un-Caged'. Because he really is un-caged, in just about every role he takes. To go with this new sporadic feature, will be a 'Nic Cage Crazy Scale', which goes from one Nic to five Nic's. Everything else will be as normal. In this edition, I go to the tippety-top of Nic Cage crazies, and take a look at Vampire's Kiss.

I first heard about Vampire's Kiss through the brilliant "Nic Cage Loses His Shit" video, where the film is prominently featured as he runs down the street yelling "I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!", yells the alphabet like it's the end of the world, and wandering through the city with a piece of wood going "oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh". So I was curious - what does this all mean? It looked pretty crazy from the clips used in that marvellous video. I guess I was expecting a very straightforward showcase of just how crazy the Cage is. But no. I got quite a confusing psychological dark comedy with a lead actor who just went all out in his role.

From the get-go, Peter Loew (Cage), a yuppie literary agent, is a little bit on edge. He has been known to get ticked off when things do not go his way, and he spends a lot of time explaining his life to a therapist (Elizabeth Ashley). After he finishes work he spends his nights at several clubs, and one night he meets Rachel (Jennifer Beals), who he takes home. But it turns out that Rachel appears to have fangs and begins feeding on our dear Peter. From this day forward, Peter is convinced that he is a vampire: he fails to see his reflection in the mirror, he wears sunglasses to 'avoid the light', and he sets up a vampire cave where he and his sexy vampire girlfriend Rachel live. We see Peter basically go off his nut in every way possible, but is he really a vampire, or is he just insane?

Now, this actually has a very good premise, and with the amount of remakes out there at the moment, this should really be the highest priority. However, this is really one of a kind. Saturated with cheesiness, this flick has everything I hate about (most) 80's movies: painful sexual encounters, an odd music video vibe, a really bad script...it's no masterpiece. Then again, Vampire's Kiss isn't the worst movie ever, like I expected it to be. As I said, the premise is good - and the way they go about it, for the most part, is just about as good. There is a lot of ambiguity about the film, leaving a bit of confusion in it's wake, but unltimately, that confusion leads to a very nice psychological thriller, of sorts. I guess you could say this movie is a somewhat disturbing portrait of a man unhinged. Sure, it's a bit far-fetched, but the madness that Peter assigns to himself is quite shocking to watch. Especially when he eats that cockroach...

This movie is dominated by Nicolas Cage's performance, in all of it's over the top glory, which pretty much takes any chance of this film being taken seriously away. I could never quite believe that his craziness was actually a form of mental illness. And yes, it is hard to sympathise with such a man. He really is more crazy than any human should be. One has to applaud Nic, though, because it does take a lot of courage to become this unhinged on screen. However, his performance does break this film. It could have been a smart thriller about a man questioning his sanity, but instead it just became...proof that an actor shouldn't be left to let himself go so much. This was obviously a project for Nic to let out all of his problems through being a man who thinks he is a vampire. Unfortunately, Nic had a lot of problems.

THE VERDICT: In the end, Vampire's Kiss can be easily be described as a bad film. But underneath that nutso performance from Nicolas Cage is quite a smart little story, and a very entertaining watch.

What I got:

The Nic Cage Crazy Scale:

5 Reasons Why I Love Leonardo DiCaprio

It would seem that just about everyone I know likes Leonardo DiCaprio. But I am the one who can out-like you all. Had I been a lot older during the time of Leo-Mania, I would have been the president of the whole thing. I have watched almost every Leo movie in existence. And hells yeah, I'm looking forward to J. Edgar more than anyone, because 1) I actually think that this could be his Oscar movie and 2) he kisses Armie Hammer. Who just so happens to be one of the best looking guys I've ever seen. Anyway, here's my 5 reasons for loving Leonardo DiCaprio all the way to the moon and back (and there's plenty more where this came from):

1. "Show me all the blue prints. Show me all the blue prints..."

Probably my favourite performance of Leo's was in the Howard Hughes biopic The Aviator. I've always been a sucker for actors playing people with mental problems, but Leo's portrayal of an obsessive compulsive disorder sufferer was one of the best performances I've ever seen. From the ever present hearing inability to the madness of him bearding up and staying in his cinema for weeks on end...Leo fit the role of a megalomaniac billionaire like a glove. He sure had a lot to work with, and he rose to the challenge happily. It's just a shame that he didn't get the Oscar, but come to think of it, Jamie Foxx was quite good in Ray.

2. Most people fell in love with him when they watched Titanic. I fell in love with him...

...when I first saw his Oscar nominated early performance in What's Eating Gilbert Grape back in early 2009. I simply didn't know that he was capable of doing a role so well. Here he plays a mentally retarded young boy, and my goodness, does he completely own doing that. Seriously, he'll have you believe that he is actually retarded. His performance as Arnie Grape should have won the Oscar. If you haven't seen this movie, then I think you should. Why? Because it's unlike anything you've ever seen Leonardo DiCaprio do. I, to this day, can't believe that that's the same guy who was in Inception.

3. How hip he was back in the 90's.

By the time Leo-Mania struck, I was still crying my head off in the cot and getting my daily exercise in the Jolly Jumper, but I imagine that it could have been something similar to Bieber-Fever, just with a way cooler person. How could you not love Leo in the 90's? He was the cutest guy ever. I would totally go all "OMFG LEO D 4EVA ILY XOXO" over him. Because at least he could act. He was absolutely brilliant in Romeo + Juliet and Titanic (but that's nothing compared to what he's capable of doing now), so it's no wonder why he had such a huge fanbase.

4. ...and how amazing he is now.

In his career, he has worked with some of the finest directors. Clint Eastwood, Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, Danny Boyle, Baz Luhrmann, James Cameron,Woody Allen, Sam Mendes, Ridley Scott...as you can see, he always gets the best. His filmography is one which is pretty select. Sure, he has his bad apples, but he has starred in some bloody good movies for some bloody good directors. With every film that he does, he continues to improve on his craft and never turns in a bad performance. Which is why I can't wait to see J. Edgar - I truly think this will be his stand-out performance, and I hope that he is given the Oscar he so deserves.

5. He's booked out until 2015 already.

Snooping around on his IMDb page I found that he has a lot of "projects in development". 19, to be exact. He probably won't star in all of these, mainly because most of them have been on there for ages without any confirmation. But you can tell he's very much in demand, which I can't complain about. The more Leo, the better. I can't wait to see what happens with Baz Luhrmann's production of The Great Gatsby, which he is starring in alongside Carey Mulligan, Tobey Macguire, Isla Fisher and Joel Edgerton. And if he does star in Django Unchained? I will probably die and go to heaven. Him teaming up with Quentin Tarantino will be the best thing that's happened to me since he teamed up with Christ Nolan! He's just got to team up with David Fincher, and I'll be set...

So, why do you love Leonardo DiCaprio? Any favourite performances of his you just want to share?

What's Happening Where I Am: Cinema and DVD releases here, 23/06/11

Cinema Releases

Cars 2 - PIXAR's first rotten movie. Wow. It seems that everyone hated the first one. I quite enjoyed it, sure, it ain't no Toy Story, but it wasn't really that bad at all. Anyway, this may be rotten, but it's only by around 12%. So this isn't the movie apocalypse that some people were expecting. It just means that PIXAR didn't over-achieve this time. And yeah, you can't say that we aren't surprised. If the first one wasn't that good, how could the sequel possibly improve? You just don't fix something if it ain't broke in the first place.

Bad Teacher - This made the 4.30pm news yesterday. Just because Justin Timberlake felt comfortable filming with his ex Cameron Diaz. I know that we all enjoy a bit of entertainment news now and again, but this is the kind of stuff you see in the tabloid magazines, not on the bloody 4.30pm news. Does this look like a good movie? Not especially. But I do like Cameron Diaz actually trying to be funny, as opposed to being the ditsy female counterpart in an action flick.

DVD Releases

Sanctum - I said all that I needed to say about this film in last night's short review. There's not really much you can say about this.

Season of the Witch - I was severely disappointed in this movie. I was hoping that it would be a great opportunity to laugh at some Cage Rage and that it would at least be so bad it was good. But no. Cage sure wasn't raging and this movie was so bad it was just bad. I hate describing a movie as 'boring' (because everyone at school does that, even if it was only boring for a minute), but this movie really was. If I was able to yawn (I can't at the moment, it freaking hurts for some reason), I probably would have throughout the whole movie. Golly, not many movies do that to me.

Welcome to the Rileys - Everyone thinks that Kristen Stewart can't act. No she can't. But that's only when she's in Twilight mode. However, from what I've seen of her in The Runaways, and now this, I truly believe that there is more talent in her than people think she has. She was actually really good as a young prostitute. James Gandolfini and Melissa Leo did top work too. I mean, this movie is something which has been done many times before, but I still really enjoyed it. Mind you, my special weakness is loving every indie drama I see.

Hows about you, seen any of these films? Any pre-thoughts on them?

"You've done some bad things, sweetie": The Green Hornet, Yogi Bear, Dorian Gray, Sanctum

All of these movies have one thing in common: I gave them all the "You've done some bad things, sweetie" rating. Here are some paragraph long reviews on each of these films which I cannot be bothered doing full reviews for:

The Green Hornet

I like Seth Rogen and his writing partner Evan Goldberg better when they're writing about fake IDs, obsessive compulsive penis drawers and Jonah Hill actually being fat and funny. Because that came from experience, so they know how to make it funny. Their efforts with The Green Hornet? Disappointing. These guys are more at home when they can use the F-word as much as they like than they are trying to make a friendly superhero flick. Which is a shame because a Michel Gondry superhero flick has the potential to be out of this world. The problem is, the film is never very super. It's only entertaining when it wants to be, which isn't very often, and it spends most of it's time being dull, even with some pretty impressive fight scenes. It's far longer than it should have been, which only adds to it's dullness. The cast all seem to be on auto-pilot also, apart from Christoph Waltz who gleefully slided through the film with his easy villain like presence. Seth Rogen was Seth Rogen, Jay Chou was...a sidekick who was a sidekick, Cameron Diaz was a little less than our normal Cameron Diaz. Sure, these people don't have superpowers, but Kick-Ass only had a quarter of this one's budget and none of those fancy gadgets, yet that still succeeded. Rogen and Goldberg would have been better going all out on a movie similar to that.

Yogi Bear

When I say that this movie is 'not that bad', I'm saying that because I was expecting a trainwreck of a movie. I was expecting annoying kiddie jokes and characters so diabolical that I might have to shoot myself. Thankfully, there was none of that. This isn't the type of movie that should be given 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. Because it isn't that bad. But yes, it is pretty mediocre. I laughed a few times, but that was only at things which I have laughed at many times before. There's nothing fresh at all about this movie. It's very predictable and sometimes downright annoying at how stupid it can be. It's everything you could expect out of a talking bear movie. I feel weird saying such negative things about a kids flick, since kids are no critics and they will watch and love everything as long as it's not too scary. Obviously, if you don't have kids, don't watch this movie. But New Zealand does look very nice in the background...

Dorian Gray

This movie made me feel intoxicated. Now that may have had something to do with the fact that I am on so many drugs right now that I may as well be a part of Requiem for a Dream, but this movie literally made me feel woozy. The direction is to blame for that. Everything is so hazy and unclear, and sometimes it's like the camera isn't stabilised by anything. The various 'sex scenes' are painful to watch because the director is so intent on not making one scene, but trying to make five scenes in one. And then we have Ben Barnes, who looked like he needed a good drink. I'm sure he's a talented bloke, but he was lifeless in the lead role. He never really took off in the role, letting it down a great deal because you can't really believe in him at all. Now, I know that 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' is a pretty popular novel (and a pretty good one - I'm halfway through it), but the way this movie chooses to portray the story doesn't do much good for the novel. It's cheap, B-grade and very dull. However, the performances from Colin Firth (who was definitely the best thing about this movie), Rebecca Hall, Ben Chaplin and Rachel Hurd-Wood offer some class to the movie - class which it should have taken with both hands to avoid the dismal mess that it became.

Sanctum

I am actually sick of movies about people surviving against the odds. It's great that they have such harrowing stories and all, but some of them aren't meant to be films. Just like Sanctum. Now, I'm sure this movie was amazing in 3D. But I'm also sure that this movie doesn't have a lot going for it other than beautiful photography. The story was probably amazing, but as a movie, it isn't in it for the long haul. And being underwater for nearly the entire time is a little bit tiring, since the audience is subjected to watching a whole group of people frantically swim around. But whenever the people are out of the water, it's just as annoying, seeing as the acting isn't anything particularly special. Throw in a lame broken relationship between a father and son and this becomes a movie which you just want to escape. Unfortunately, the screen goes black around three times before it actually finishes, which is amazingly annoying.

Of course, all of these movies managed to get a:

Have you seen any of these films? If so, did you find that they did some 'bad things' too?